Hi and good morning,
Earlier today, I had the chance to catch the sunrise. It was brisk and you can feel that fall was coming. I stayed up for a bit before finding myself under the covers watching another episode of The Fosters. In this moment I would usually say, "I don't watch TV," but that was a habit that was created to ensure that I graduated from college. But since I'm currently in the process of letting go of who I used to be and the box I put myself in, today I say, "I don't watch TV often."
After an episode and a half, we begin to get into the little battles of decision-making. First decision, do I wake up and be productive or do I watch another episode? Episode, but I need to get up at 10:00 AM. Onto breakfast, do I make breakfast or do I pop in bagel? Bagel, but use butter, instead of cream cheese. I'm trying to learn to do what I want, but with limits. Before, I would just choose the one I thought was best for me and is better for me, because I wanted to make my ideal self happy, but I would stamp my feet through it. I'm learning to not to be so hard on myself. Something I've taken on over the years, since I didn't feel like I was receiving it from my parents or guardians. Silly, I know, but there's just something in me that says, "Even though you don't have to answer to others, you do have to answer to yourself at the end of the day" and I want to make myself proud. Some would say that I am my own worst critic, but I'm learning to give myself patience and grace every day, whether it be watching an episode or eating a bagel.
So even though I'm currently not at the best I've ever been and I've certainly seen a better effort from myself, I'm giving myself permission to feel my feelings and doing what I want, regardless if I'm exchanging it for calories or "less-productive" time. Yes, I'm in this slow season, but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying and giving effort. I'm allowing myself to be patient as I endure every day.
endurance (noun)
the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way: she was close to the limit of her endurance. • the capacity of something to last or to withstand wear and tear.
So whatever you're going through and whatever season you're in, give yourself grace folks and know that this season needs to happen and all we can do is try and show up as our best selves on that day. It will look different every day, to you and to others, but don't stop trying, don't stop enduring and be patient...this too shall pass.
Ok, gotta get to work now! See ya!
- K.S.