Second Dose

It’s been exactly 6 hours since I’ve received my second covid-19 vaccination and I’m sitting in anxiousness for the side effects. This is the first weekend in San Diego and California, in general, is now “officially open.” I so happen to be out last night and walked my neighborhood streets of Downtown. After being here for a year and a half and witnessing the streets go from life to death and to life again has been a whirlwind. But something that I’ve been thinking about is how the majority of people had the chance to reflect, recharge, and reset. Whatever revelations and revolutions folks experienced this past year, I worked through it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a job that was able to take care of me in a new city, but Starbucks Partners were the essential workers to the essential workers. We had front row seats to the 2020 show and ya’ll…I’m exhausted. Never finished…

Am I Trans?

This past week I have been working heavily on the website. It’s been my first and last week in quarantine, so I wanted to take advantage of the time off and really build the foundation on the website.

Much of my website consists of following my curiosity and having a place to compile my findings. I’m intentional as I know this will be a resource for others someday, which leads to consuming tons of content and deciding what is best for the website.


I searched, “Professional masculine of center queer women of color.” Of course, limited content appears. I scroll and find a couple of things to click on to post. Copy URL>Teardrop>Video>Video URL>Apply>Save. Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. Just as I was about to give up, I come across this image and headline.

Neither male nor female: Why some nonbinary people are 'microdosing' hormones

 
 

Marisa Rivas never felt comfortable living as a woman, but doesn’t identify as a man either.

It somehow lead me to this YouTuber where I immersed myself in their content, until midnight.

@megemiko

@megemiko

After researching and watching more, I had to adjust my mission statement. This information alone was the missing piece for the past two years and what held me back from launching sooner. Transparently, I was not and still not educated on the trans community, let alone the queer community. I’ve strayed away from it over the years because I never felt like I fully belonged at places like Pride, but I didn’t feel like I belonged at protests either. So when making the decision on who this organization would be for, I claimed that I couldn’t guide (young) trans folks, because I didn’t identify with the community. Silly me, I have a lot to learn, but that’s been the best part of this website. I am still a young Tomboi with questions and finally have a place to put my answers.

It makes me wonder, what if I made an effort to be apart of the community over the years? Would TMBINTL have launched sooner? Would I be a different person? How would my story be different? I can’t dwell on it, but I can say this…I’m excited to get back out there to learn and be apart of the queer community! <3

Back to the core of this blog. I’m more into the idea of micro-dosing than I thought. To be honest, I never thought of myself as trans, but after hearing another born-female queer API (Asian/Pacific Islander) share their story, it makes me question my gender identity. It literally blew my mind. I still have research to do, but maybe this could be an option in the future.

Blessing in Disguise (COVID-19)

I’m anxious as I write this blog, even while drinking June Shine. I thought it would calm my nerves, but it’s only making my heartbeat louder.

Despite what’s currently going on in the world (COVID-19), I still believe that it’s all for good reason, even if we don’t know it yet.

It’s forcing us to focus on what’s more important and shake the world out of itself. For the past couple of decades, our society has created a lifestyle that was laughable to our ancestors. Think about it, we were taking pictures of our food and filming whole concerts. Athletic wear became normal wear and we counted calories and lived in online communities. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but we have really taken toilet paper for granted. I think about what my Lola (grandma in Tagalog) and what she did when she pooped in the past. The world was different back then, down to the foods we ate and the activities that took up our day. I really believe that we’re just going back to the way things used to be, just in a different society.

Here are some of my thoughts and personal examples below:

  1. Education - as an educator at heart, this was difficult for me to accept. As much as I’d like to think that educators are important, it’s not necessary to be educated, especially in today’s technological world. Self-education will soon be the way for those who want to be educated and for those who can’t afford that luxury, they’ll do their part in their communities and families, just as it is in majority of the world.

  2. Cooking and coffee - As someone who’s spent most of their adulthood making coffee and serving food to others, I’ve realized that it’s not a necessity. The only reason why we run on Dunkin’ is because of capitalism and laziness. Coffee isn’t the enemy, our 9-5 is. We have been programmed from elementary school that this is how the world works. I’m sure it stems from our days as farmers or hunters and gatherers, but the difference is that they made their own meals and maybe it’s time we get back to that. There’s creativity hidden in the kitchen, it’s not just for those who hold Canons and paint brushes.

  3. Exercise - I’ve come to realize that as much as I’d like to, I don’t love working out as much as the Instagram models do. First off, the idea of paying $10-$75 for a gym membership is ridiculous, whether if there’s a cancellation fee or not. Last time I checked, warriors from the Spartan army “300” didn’t need a gym membership, but the boulders that the land offered. But it’s the year 2020 and there isn’t any immediate danger/enemy to fight off, as most of our “clans” have what they need. And since I haven’t expended most of my energy serving about 100 customers in thirty minutes, then I have the emotional and physical energy go for a walk, a jog if I’m really feeling it.

  4. Relationships - I haven’t always been the best in this category (I blame my only-childness), but I’m getting better. I find myself wanting to reach out to old friends, since they may have the time also. As for my apartment complex, it may not be like the Italians, but I hear more conversations, music, and sounds than I’ve ever heard during my time living here. Maybe it’s time for some Americans to be more like the Italians (and other relational countries) and put more time and effort into each other.

  5. Hobbies - Beyond Instagram, my younger co-workers are freaking out. They’ve watched all the movies and shows on Netflix, Disney+ and Hulu and don’t know what to with themselves. Well, it’s called “hobbies and interests” and if there is any category I excel in, it’s this one. As practically-an-only child, I have too many unfinished projects to count, but it’s about damn time I finish them.

Overall, I hope this shifts our perspective of not only educators, custodians, grocery store employees, sanitation services, and so many more, but to truly focus on ourselves and our well-being without all the extra stuff.

Be well friends,

-K.S.